I cut my penus on the lid.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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