I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i now understand why vodka
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
