she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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