i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
