I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The best revenge is premature balding
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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