the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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