do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
