I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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