I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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