how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
handjob tips. give me some.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
