I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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