No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
