Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
