also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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