i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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