Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
