I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
