I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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