$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm at about main and main street
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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