You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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