i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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