FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
