roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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