How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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