dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
