I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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