do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
