i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
