so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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