Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Four minutes until I can fart!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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