You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize