just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
