I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize