I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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