you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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