im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
