she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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