Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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