my vag is so smooth its legendary
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize