fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
