I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
