i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
