and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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