found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
