Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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