I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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