She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
