Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
dude. I can hear the air.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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