mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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