I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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