You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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