Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
