I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
