Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
