You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am midnight drunk by noon
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
