we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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