If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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