the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude i'm inner monologue high
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
