I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize