I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
