sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
