Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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