Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I checked into jail on foursquare
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
