Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
