wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
