YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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