Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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