Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
