I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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