the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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