got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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