after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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