Define "chronic" masturbator.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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